The Floor is What?
by biddle29
Summary: Winry's used to surprises. With a husband like Edward Elric, it's hard not to expect them! That being said, the last thing she expected to see when she walked in was Mr. Edward Elric crouched on the arm of a chair giving the floor a death glare (collection of one-shots)
1. The Floor is What?

**Author's Note:** **Hey guys! To all those who are currently reading the Official Rule Book and/or the Last Jedi, I am currently working on Isengard for the Official Rule Book and The Last Jedi I am currently editing before I move forward with new chapters.**

 **As for this, I saw this prompt on Tumblr and I thought it was absolutely adorable :)**

 **I hope you all like it!**

* * *

Winry was used to surprises. With a husband like Edward Elric it was hard not to expect them! Seriously though; considering Ed always managed to find trouble wherever he went, Winry had begun to expect that Ed was going to do something out of the ordinary or completely idiotic. It was in his nature. He was even more immature than his kids. And they weren't even five yet.

And yet, Ed still found ways to surprise her. Before Edward kindly demonstrated it to her, she had no idea her automail could be broken in half trying to bend the iron bars of jail cell.

Ed paid dearly for that little incident.

But still.

That being said, when she heard her children and husband screaming in the living room the last thing she expected to see was Mr. Edward Elric crouched on the arm of the lounge chair giving the floor a death glare.

Why did he look like he was trying to burn a hole through it?

He had a look of utter concentration on his face as he braced his hands on the chair and slowly extended his left foot out towards the back of the couch. The tip of it just reached the back of the couch.

Barely.

But apparently, that was enough for Ed. He began to move his weight forward and attempted to stand up a bit so he could climb across.

Big mistake.

The chair slid back a few centimeters, leaving Ed precariously suspended in between the furniture in what looked like an extremely painful split.

Her son was currently sitting on the couch holding Ed's foot using all his three year old might to keep it resting there.

Her daughter, however, was practically strangling her husband. Her little arms were wrapped around his neck in a tight hold as she screamed at him not to fall.

What was going on here?

She watched as Ed's foot slipped further, little Sara screaming even louder when she felt her father shift underneath her. A look of utter determination appeared on his face as he pried Sara off himself and… _practically tossed their two year old onto the couch?!_

That was the last straw.

Not only was he ruining their furniture, he was throwing HER daughter around!

Why did she ever marry this alchemist freak?

Anyways, previously she had been making stew for dinner. One of Ed's favorite meals.

At the moment, she kind of wanted to pour the hot stuff right on his head. Pot and all.

More importantly, she still had a wooden spoon in her hand that she had been using to stir. Not her weapon of choice but it would do.

The spoon quickly found its target in her idiotic husband's forehead.

"What on earth do you think you're doing Edward? Are you trying to ruin our furniture?!"

Ed's arms flew every which was as he struggled to keep his balance. A very hard thing to do considering he just got a wooden spoon to the head.

He groaned audibly as his foot slipped even further down stretching his legs into an even more awkward and painful position.

In a burst of insanity he pushed off the chair with his left foot. The force toppling the chair and sending him flying towards the couch, where he landed in a mess of cushions on the opposite side.

"Daddy made it!"

Ed's frazzled face appeared above the back of the couch, a smirk adorning his face. "Yeah Daddy did Sara, 'cause you're Daddy's just that awesome!"

When he turned back to Winry though his face was far from happy. "But what the hell Winry? You almost made me fall!"

Within seconds a nearby book nearly broke every bone in Ed's face.

"AGH!"

"Don't you dare curse in front of the kids you idiot!"

Sara laughed delightedly. "Look big bruther!" She pointed at her incapacitated father and poked the growing lump on his head, making him twitch in pain, "Daddy in twouble again!"

"Owwww!" Ed groaned, his head popping up once again. "Come on Winry, are you trying to kill me?!"

"At the moment yes!" she fumed, "What were you trying to do? Besides destroy our furniture?!" She eyed the overturned chair with obvious annoyance.

Ed grimaced, "Yeah….about that…."

He screamed as another book came flying at his head, diving behind the safety of the couch again.

"Come on!" He mumbled from his safe haven, "Don't use my books as missiles! They could get damaged!"

"And you won't break the chair by treating it like a jungle gym?" Winry glowered, "Hmm? What were you thinking?!"

"Ummmm…."

"Well?!" Winry yelled.

Ben's little face appeared above the couch a little grin splitting his face. "The floor is lava Mommy!" he said in glee, "Daddy would've burned up if he fell!"

Winry's arm fell to her side. She had been perfectly ready and willing to beam that weirdo with another book that he'd left lying about, _Xingese Alkahestry for Dummies_. Al had brought it with him the last time he and Mei had visited.

And it just happened to be one of the largest and heaviest tomes in the house.

She felt a little disappointed she didn't get to nail Ed with it. It probably would've hurt a lot.

"What was that?" she asked.

"The floor is lava!" Ben told her again, "You can't step on it! It'll burn you up! You have to stay on chairs!"

"Ohhhh," Winry murmured as comprehension dawned on her. So that's why Ed nearly killed himself trying to climb onto the couch.

"Well," She continued, straightening up, "I expect the three of you to put everything back in order as soon as the floor isn't lava anymore."

"Okay Mommy!" Sara and Ben called in unison. Ed muttered an offhanded sure.

"And Edward?" she called in a high singsong voice. She grinned when she saw him pale. He really wasn't expecting to get out of this unscathed was he? That idiot should know better. "You had better drink all of your milk tonight at dinner."

"What?" Ed's face paled even more if that was even possible. "NO!"

Winry smirked, "Come on Ed. Don't be a baby."

"I'M NOT GOING TO DRINK IT!" he yelled, springing to his feet.

"Daddy get off the floor!" Ben and Sara screamed.

Ed flailed around in surprise and jumped back onto the couch, nearly knocking it completely over in the process.

"You're drinking it alright," Winry grinned evilly, "Milk makes you immune to lava."

The children gasped. "You have ta dwink it Daddy!" Sara told him, "You'll neva be able to walk awound again if ya don't!"

"You hear that Ed? Even your children want you to. You can't say no to them."

Ed took one look at their faces and groaned. "Winry?"

"Sorry Edward, I have to go finish making dinner. I don't have any time to argue with you right now."

"Come on Daddy!" Ben said, tugging Ed's arm, "We half ta go to the kitchen!"

"Yesh!" Sara spoke around her thumb, "We hafta dwink milk!"

"Winry!"

"You're on your own Ed."

"WINNRRRY!"

* * *

 **Please review! :) It would be much appreciated!**


	2. After What You Did Last Tuesday

**Hey guys! So I decided that (depending on how many/often ideas come to mind) I may continue with this story and make it a series of one-shots! If you guys have any ideas just let me know and I'll be happy to write them!**

 **So this was another prompt I saw on Tumblr and I thought it was too funny to pass up. I hope you all enjoy it! And again, if you have any ideas for one shots please let me know!**

 **And thank you for everyone who reviewed/favorited/followed this story. I was amazed that everyone liked it so much! And very happy too :)**

 **IMPORTANT NOTE: So, this one-shot takes place in an AU world where Ed can still perform alchemy after the whole thing with Father. It's not that big of a deal, but it does come into play in the one-shot just to let you guys know :)**

* * *

"Edward Francis Elric."

Ed cringed. He knew that tone. It was Winry's 'don't you dare try and get out of this or I will murder you in the most painful way possible and make it look like an accident' tone of voice.

He slowly turned around and resisted the urge to curl up in a ball and cry when he saw her face. He didn't know it was possible for a person's skin to achieve that hue of red. He could've sworn he saw steam coming out of her ears.

"Uh," he hesitated when he saw her eyes narrow even farther. If it were possible to incinerate someone just by looking at them, he would've been nothing more than a pile of ash on the ground a _long_ time ago. "Winry…"

"Shut up Ed!" Winry cut him off sharply and he snapped his mouth shut with an audible click. "How can you expect me to trust you again after what happened on Tuesday?"

Ed started. That's what this was about?

He heaved a small sigh of relief. He thought she had found that little piece of automail he had stashed away after a little incident involving an alchemy experiment gone wrong.

It wasn't _entirely_ his fault it happened. Maybe just a little. Well, fine maybe it was completely his fault but it was NOT his fault that that piece of automail had gotten smashed. It had just happened to get caught in the crossfire. Not his fault at all.

He cleared his throat and stole a small glance at Winry. She looked like she was seconds away from ripping his head off. "Winry…." He began, clearing his throat again as sweat trickled down his forehead, "I think you're being kinda ridiculous about this…"

"Ridiculous?" she hissed, and Ed froze when she saw her hand inch closer to the large, heavy _metal_ wrench resting on the table next to her. "Me!"

Okay…he had to play this cool. Not set her off. He smirked to himself, maybe he would actually manage to get out of this alive.

But Ed being Ed, he went and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Maybe just a little. Ya know?"

 _WHAM_

"AGH!"

A string of curses left Ed's mouth as his forehead exploded in pain. It felt like Al had just punched him the face as hard as he could. Like Al in his _armor_ type of hard; he could see stars dancing around his head.

He just HAD to go open his big fat mouth.

"NO I DON'T KNOW!" Winry screamed at him, chest heaving in rage as she reached for the next available item small enough to throw but large enough to cause _immense_ pain.

Ed's eyes widened when he saw and even _bigger_ wrench resting in her hands.

He rubbed his forehead in an effort to soothe the throbbing pain in his skull. "Winry," he begged, trying to placate her, "Please stop overreacting…"

Ed screamed as he just managed to avoid the flying projectile aimed directly at his head. Internally, he thanked Teacher her hell filled training exercises. They may have just extended his life the tiniest bit.

But then he heard the distinct shatter of glass behind him and cringed. He was in for a world of pain once all this was over.

If he managed to survive that is.

"I AM NOT OVERREACTING!" Winry's voice rang even louder, making him cover his ears in pain, "You BETRAYED me!"

Yeah, it was official. He was not going to survive this. He just wished he had gotten to say goodbye to Al before the end.

"I did not!" Technically that _was_ true.

"You LIED to me!"

"NO…" He paused. There really was no point in denying it anymore. It was already a well-known fact these were his final minutes left to live. "Well, maybe I did. But it wasn't that big of a deal!" Maybe if he showed her that it really _wasn't_ that big of a deal…maybe she would see sense!

"Not that big of a deal?" Ed winced as her screech ringed in his already sensitive ears, "How can you say that's not that big of a deal! YOU CHEATED!"

"I did not!" Not really! Like seriously! He didn't cheat! Not in the full sense of the word at least!

"You did so!" Winry eyes narrowed to slits. She picked up the book lying beside her, "Don't try and deny it you bastard!" Boy, if she was mad earlier, she was absolutely _livid_ now.

"Calling me names now huh?" Ed yelped in surprise as he dove behind the couch to avoid the oncoming missiles. He cautiously glanced above the top only to receive a well-placed book to the face. A very large one at that.

He could just feel the lump on his head getting bigger.

"…well, that hurts my feelings" he groaned.

"I can't believe you," she hissed, "I cannot believe you!"

Ed grabbed one of the couch cushions and propped it up on the top of the couch. He cautiously snuck a glance over it and had to refrain from screaming like a girl when he saw Winry's flaming eyes not even a foot away from his own.

That didn't stop him from toppling over backwards into the coffee table though. He knew he heard a crack beneath him that time.

Granny was going to _murder_ him.

If Winry didn't first that is.

He barrel rolled behind the nearest piece of furniture as another book came flying too close to comfort.

"I said I was sorry!" He yelled from his safe spot behind the comfy chair.

"Well sorry doesn't cut it!" Ed groaned. "I'm never going to forgive you for this! Never!" Winry fumed at him.

Seriously? All this! This was a little over the top! "Winry!" he begged, "Please just calm down and we'll discuss this like human beings! No one, specifically myself, needs to get hurt!"

Ed flinched as a barrage of projectiles flew past his hiding spot into the wall he was facing. "DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO CALM DOWN AFTER WHAT YOU DID YOU DESPICIABLE HUMAN BEING!" He winced at that one. "YOU CHEATED!"

Okay well maybe he did cheat. But it wasn't so much cheating as using his already honed skills to his advantage. And bending the rules a bit. Just a tad of course. Nothing to drastic.

"Winry please. It was just a monopoly game."

"And I was WINNING you alchemist freak!"

Ohhhh yeah. He was dead for sure.

* * *

 **I hope you guys like it :)**


	3. Would you like sugar with that?

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! This is my response to another prompt I saw on Tumblr so I hope you all like it! I may go back and edit it once finals are over but for now I really wanted to post this!**

 **And for the fire kite reference, I suggest looking up a video of a Cincinnati Fire Kite when you get a chance! Those things are so cool and so much fun to make! Except always do it with adult supervision. My siblings and I did not. And we blew up the broom. So yeah! Always make sure you have an adult present!**

 **Reviews/Favorites/Follows are always appreciated! :) And if you have any ideas you would like to see written, please let me know!**

* * *

In hindsight, when he initially concocted this plan he knew that it was probably the worst idea he had ever had. Like ever.

And considering his track record with worst ideas, that was pretty impressive. Like, this was even worse than convincing the Colonel to make a fire kite. Still not sure how they managed NOT to burn down the whole HQ, but hey, he wasn't complaining.

But did that ever stop him? Not really, so he decided to do it anyways. But now, faced with the imminent fulfillment of said plan, he was, to say the least, positively petrified. It was surprising really. He'd faced down countless other even more terrifying things without breaking a sweat. He'd faced homunculi damn it!

Why was he so scared of his own wife?

Probably because she was going to murder him in the most painful way possible once she found out what he did.

He could still switch it back if he really wanted to. She still wasn't up. He had time to save his own skin from almost certain mutilation.

But, where would the fun in that be? He was the Fullmetal Alchemist for goodness sakes! He could survive a little pain for the greater good.

Besides, this was going to be hilarious.

Swallowing down his fear, he had to suppress a grin when he heard movement upstairs. He rose from his seat at the table and moved towards the stove to make a pot of coffee. Winry was going to need it after that rush order she spent most of the night working on.

Yeah…she was going to need A LOT of coffee.

He refrained from snickering when he heard Winry stumble into the kitchen and flop down in the chair he had just gotten out of. Turning around, he grinned a tiny bit when he saw her disheveled hair and half-lidded eyes.

"Hey Winry. How you feeling this fine morning?"

The only response he got was a groan as she slid forward to let her head rest on the table.

"I'm making coffee. Figured you'd need it after that rush order. You must be exhausted."

She turned her head to the side so she could look at him. A small, tired smile appeared on her face, but quickly transformed into a large yawn. "Thanks Ed. You can actually be a nice guy if you try to be."

"Hey, I'm always nice. I'm the nicest guy you know," he said, looking affronted as he turned back to the coffee.

"No, that would be Al," she mumbled into the table, "You're a jerk most of the time."

"For the record, I take offense at that."

"You're supposed to, alchemist freak."

Ed frowned, "You know I can just keep all this coffee I just made to myself. I don't have to share it."

He froze when she slowly raised her head from its spot on the table enough to give him a death glare. It wasn't quite as affective as usual cause she looked like she had the worst hangover in the history of the world.

But nonetheless, it was still kinda scary.

"You wouldn't…" she attempted to hiss, but instead yawned.

"Yeah you're right, I wouldn't," he said pouring too mugs of coffee, "Cause even I'm not that evil." He brought them both over and set one down in front of her. "Do you want any sugar with it?"

"Of course idiot," she mumbled, sitting up and slouching back in her chair.

He grinned as he set his own cup of coffee down. There was no turning back now.

He went back over to the counter and grabbed the jar of sugar he had set there earlier. He brought it back to Winry, who looked over at the sugar with glazed eyes. He plopped it down on the table in front of her and sat in the chair opposite her with his own coffee.

It took everything in him to keep from laughing as he watched her pile nearly half the jar's contents into her coffee. This was going to be absolutely _priceless_.

With baited breath, he watched as she stirred her cup's contents in silence

As the seconds dragged on, the fear he felt earlier began to tie knots in his stomach again. He could still stop this if he really wanted to. He could just grab the cup and he could avoid whatever pain was waiting for him at the end of it.

But he shoved those thoughts aside. He was anything if not stubborn. Once he started something, there was no going back.

Not even in life or death circumstances like this.

His breath caught in his throat as she dropped the spoon onto the table and took the mug in both hands. He suppressed a grin as she slowly raised it towards her lips. Closer…closer….

He watched intently as she took her first sip, and as her eyes became as wide as the plates they got from Granny for their wedding. He probably looked like the cat that killed the canary with the grin that grew on his face. But, it quickly disappeared when Winry spit everything she just drank in his face.

"AGH!" He cried, falling backwards out of his chair. He looked up from his place on the floor when he heard Winry stand up. He almost died when he saw the look on her face. And it only got funnier when he started laughing.

"You should've seen you're face!" he cried, nearly in tears he was laughing so hard.

"What did you do to my coffee you bastard." Winry asked coolly. And the look on her face made Ed shut up pretty quickly. Or at least try and refrain from laughing so hard.

"Nothing!" he grinned, swallowing the laughter bubbling up in his chest, "What makes you think I did something? I didn't do anything to your coffee!"

"Then why does it taste like that?" She fumed.

"Winry, I swear, I did NOTHING to your coffee."

As Winry's sleep deprived brain slowly figured out what happened, her expression grew darker and darker. "You little bastard."

"What?"

"You didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"You gave me salt?!"

Ed took one look at her face, grinned, then took off towards the nearest doorway.

"EDWARD!"

Winry's scream rang through the hallway behind him as he smashed through the front door and into the yard. A large grin still danced upon his face as he sprinted down the street as far away from his house as he could possibly go.

Yeah, Winry was definitely going to kill him for that.

But it was totally worth it.

For now at least.

* * *

 **I hope you all liked it!**


	4. The Phone Call

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! Before I say anything else, I just want to say that I am angry with myself for writing this, because I made myself cry. I saw this prompt on tumblr so I thought you know what? I'm going to try writing it. That was a huge mistake.**

 **Anyways I hope you guys like this!**

 _ **This is an AU where Ed is a police officer in the modern day.**_

* * *

Winry was used to Ed calling at odd hours when he was on patrol. He told her once that the long hours got kinda boring sometimes, especially when he knew he had his whole family waiting for him back home. He told her that a lot of the time, he called just so he could hear their voices. Because he missed them.

That's why she wasn't surprised when the phone started to ring shrilly that late at night.

"Hey." Her husband breathed. She frowned.

"Hey! Are you alright? You sound kinda breathless."

"Yeah I'm good," he reassured her, "I just sprinted up like three flight of stairs. I'm kinda regretting that now."

She laughed. That was something Ed would do. "We need to get you in better shape Mr. Elric. We can't have you passing out from exhaustion when you're chasing down a criminal. Speaking of which, shouldn't you be at work right now?"

"Yeah, I'm there. We just rounded up that drug ring we've been having trouble with for the past month. You know, the Homunculi? We're taking them in now. But enough about me. How are you?"

"I'm alright. The kids have been driving me crazy today! I finally took them to that new playground that they've been going on and on about and they haven't stopped running since! I'm trying to get them down to bed but they're whirlwinds of energy right now."

Ed chuckled. "That sounds like them." He paused before continuing in a quieter voice, "Tell them Daddy loves them alright? And give them a kiss goodnight for me."

"I will Ed," she told him smiling, "When do you think you'll be home?"

There was a much longer pause this time. "I don't know. I guess…I guess I'll try to be back by the time you wake up tomorrow morning. I'll have breakfast ready by the time you all get up."

"Ed, are you alright? You don't sound too good" She frowned, concern marring her voice.

He hastened to reassure her, "No yeah, I'm fine! Don't worry about me! I think I might be coming down with something though."

She frowned, not entirely convinced, "Alright…if you're sure." She struggled to hold back a groan when she saw a little girl sprint by her face covered in colored ink. A little boy was following close behind with multiple markers in each hand. "Oh no…listen Ed, I need to go. I think Ben and Sara found where I hid her markers."

"Okay. I love you Winry. I love you so damn much and I just wanted to make sure you knew that."

She smiled warmly at his words, "Look who's being unusually romantic tonight. I love you too you little freak. I'll see you when you get home," And as she always did when he called her from work, she told him to be careful.

Ed's voice was quiet as he ended the call. "I love you Winry. Goodbye."

* * *

Like she said, Winry was used to getting the random phone call here or there, just like she was used to the welcome home breakfasts he would prepare when he returned. It was all part of the job description basically.

What she wasn't ready for was the officer who met her at the front door the next morning instead of her husband. Nor was she ready when he told her that her husband had been killed last night while trying to bring in the Homunculi.

She didn't hear the officer offer his condolences and tell her that a man from the station would come by later to discuss some things with her. She didn't hear him leave either.

She didn't hear her children come down the stairs, asking who that man was. And where their Daddy was too.

She didn't remember walking back into the kitchen, where Ed would normally have breakfast sitting on the table, waiting for them.

All she could hear was the last words Ed whispered to her as the phone line went dead. _I love you. Goodbye._

And with that in mind, she sat down at her kitchen table and began to cry.

* * *

 **I hope you liked it! And again, if you guys have any ideas for one-shots, please let me know!**


	5. Bazinga

**Author's Note: Hello everyone! This was somewhat faster than last time I think. I had this idea for a while, and finals week is coming up so I'm pretty much not going to be able to write until this semester is over.**

 **I'm terribly sorry if this is not top quality! If there's any problems with it (grammar, doesn't flow etc) please let me know and I will fix them! I didn't have much time to edit this!**

 **I hope you all like it! If you have anything else you would like to see, please let me know!**

* * *

When he initially suggested that they stop somewhere on the road for dinner instead of waiting till they got home, he didn't realize that those few words would be the ones that sealed his fate forever.

This is the story, of how he, the Edward Elric, met his untimely end at the hands of a fast food restaurant.

Don't laugh.

He would've been fine eating at Chick-fil-a. Or even better! A nice calm meal at Wendy's…

He would rather eat at Burger King for Pete's sake!

But no. His kids only wanted one thing. They wanted…

A happy meal.

And no, he didn't like McDonalds just because he was scared of the toys that the kids got in their happy meals no matter what Winry said. There was more to it than that. And he wasn't scared of them either. They were just a little…unnerving is all.

He just didn't like McDonalds okay!

For good reasons! None of which were ones that he would willingly say aloud to anyone…ever.

Which meant he couldn't argue his case.

Which meant the kids won the majority vote.

Which meant they were going to McDonalds.

Yay….

(And besides; Winry (for whatever reason) was craving McDonalds. He didn't understand it, but he sure as hell wasn't going to question it. Not when here hormones were going haywire.)

There was still hope left though. No one had said anything about actually going _in_ to get food. Maybe...just maybe…they would use the drive through instead.

But no.

Of course, they wouldn't. They just _had_ to go in. They couldn't use the lovely and convenient gift to mankind known as the drive through.

And as soon as he walked in, he saw it.

The thing that haunted his nightmares, the very thing that plagued him with thousands of horrifying memories.

 _The playground_.

Do. Not. Laugh.

He had a perfectly good reason for hating the god forsaken thing!

Every single time they came here, his kids insisted on playing inside that death trap. And everyone single time it was time to leave, he was the one who had to go in after them to get them out.

And that _never_ ended well.

And no. He's not going to go into detail about it. Not if he can help it at least.

As they ordered their food though, he still had hope (slim though it was of course). Maybe today would be the day they just walked straight by it. Maybe today, he would be spared.

And once again, that hope was dashed on the sharp rocks of reality.

As soon as they finished their food, his kids ripped their shoes off and charged into the pit of hell itself. And there was nothing he could do about it.

His fate was now sealed.

He had some time though. Some time to sit and contemplate how he had gotten to this point. It's always harrowing, he thought, reflecting on one's life choices moments before your untimely demise.

Which it turns out, wasn't that far away. He heard Winry check her phone and say something about how they should get going soon.

He still had a chance though. He could still escape.

It was now or never.

He turned to Winry.

"Hey Winry."

"Yeah Ed?"

"Do you think, maybe, you could get them this time?"

"Sorry Ed. The doctor said I'm not allowed to do anything too strenuous in my current condition. You were there. Remember?"

Ed wilted.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. We can't have you hurting yourself."

"And besides," she added with a smirk, "the kids love it when you go to get them anyways."

Ed tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace than anything else.

"Do I have to go get them now?"

"Probably. It's almost nap time. They're going to crash sometime soon."

Ed sighed and stood up. "Alright then." He cracked his knuckles before turning to his _very_ pregnant wife. He took her hand in his own and gallantly kissed her knuckles. "As you wish my lady. I shall retrieve our wayward children for you."

Turning away, he gulped as he took in the sight of his old nemesis. If he was going to die in this mission, he was going to go down _fighting_.

And so, he entered the dragon's lair.

* * *

"Hello everyone!" Winry spoke, waving at her phone's camera. "We decided to treat the kids to a meal at McDonald's today and Ed's currently trying to get them off the playground." She grinned. "I think he's having a little trouble though."

The camera turned to face the enclosed ball pit, which the kids were running around in merrily. Stuck in the very center though, and struggling to remain afloat amongst the sea of balls, was none other than Ed.

"How the hell do you move in this thing?" he shrieked as wrong move sent him deeper into the pit instead of forward like he wanted to.

Winry laughed.

"It's easy Daddy!" cheered Ben, who at this point, had taken refuge on a platform with his sister Sara in tow, leaving Edward to fend for himself in the ball pit. "It's just like swimming!"

"No it is NOT! It is not at ALL!" The camera quickly turned away from Ed to show a grinning Winry before flipping back over to him. It kinda looked like he was trying to roll out of the pit.

"Are you trying a new tactic Ed?" Winry called. Ed didn't respond. "It doesn't really look like it's working."

"I'd like to see you try this Winry!" he grumbled. "AHA!" He shouted triumphantly as he finally dug himself out completely. Very cautiously, he began to crawl over the balls.

"Oh my gosh," Winry murmured, turning the camera back to herself, "I think he's actually going to make it." She quickly returned the camera back to Ed, just in time to show him sink head first into the ball pit again with a scream.

"And he's down again." Winry laughed.

The camera zoomed in on Ed, who now appeared to have somehow gotten himself stuck. It then flicked over to show the kids laughing and pointing at their indisposed father before quickly going back to Ed.

"I think he's actually stuck."

"WINRY! HELP!" Ed's muffled voice yelled, his arms flailing.

The camera left Ed to show Winry again one final time. "I'd better go help him before things get even worse," she said with a smirk.

"ARE YOU FILMING THIS WINRY?"

Winry grinned and waved a quick goodbye as Ed yelled at her to stop filming. With that, she closed the recording and left to go rescue her husband.


	6. Unrequited

**Author's Note:**

 **A healthy dose of angst is good for the soul!**

 **Said no one with a sane mind. Ever.**

 **I just want to say, I apologize in advance for this because I made myself upset just writing it. I also apologize because it's been an atrociously long time since I've updated this story. It's been a very long year. I am hoping that this summer will be more productive for all my writing endeavors!**

 **Anyways, this monstrosity has no set time frame or world, but it is definitely an AU. Because thankfully, what I wrote below is not canon. Otherwise I think I would've cried (more than I already did at least).**

 **I saw this prompt on Pinterest and I decided to give it a whirl. I'm sorry that it's not long/not written very well. If there are any mistakes, please let me know and I'll fix them a soon as possible! I wanted to get this uploaded while I was in a place that still had wifi!**

 **I hope you guys enjoy! :)**

 **Please leave a review if you feel so inclined!**

* * *

"Are you even listening Ed?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah I'm listening. Course I am. Go ahead."

Cause why wouldn't he listen? That's what any good friend would do right? They would comfort their friend when they were upset and listen to them rant when they needed to get something off their chest. That's what all good friends do.

Right?

Then…

Then why did listening hurt him so much?

"It's just so upsetting you know? I mean, I know he doesn't like me like that and I _know_ that he likes her _a lot_ and I _know_ they'll be so happy together but… there's some selfish part of me that can't stand seeing them together!"

"I know."

Why was it, that every time Winry needed to talk to someone about her crush, she came to him? Yeah, he knew he was just so amazing person and all but why of all people did she have to come to _him_?

Why did he have to listen to it all?

"It just _hurts_. It hurts so much I can barely stand it! Every time I see them together I just want to go curl up in a corner and cry."

"I know."

Or better yet, _why_ couldn't he just be a good friend? Why couldn't he just sit and listen to her? Why did he have to get so upset?

"And I know he's your brother and all and that you want him to be happy. And I do too of course! But…but I just wish that…he'd…ya know. Like me that way too."

"I know."

Why couldn't he just push his own feelings aside so that she could be happy?

"I…I can't help it. I know it's wrong of me, but…but I love him so much. Is that wrong?"

He swallowed back a lump that was beginning to form in the back of his throat.

Why did he have to lo – _care_ about her so much?

"No," he whispered, "It's not wrong."

Why? Why did he when he knew that there was no chance of her lo – _caring_ about him the same way? Not when she was in love with _Al_.

Just thinking about it was enough for his chest to begin aching.

"And every time I'm with him I have to smile and pretend like everything's _normal_ and that I'm not upset or hurting because every time I see them together it feels like I'm dying a little bit inside!"

" _You mean like how I feel every time you talk to me about your feelings for Al?_ " he wanted to say. But instead, all that came out was "I know."

Why did he have to be so selfish?

"You just don't know how bad it hurts to like someone so much and for them to have no idea how you feel."

That lump in his throat was more like a boulder now. And the pain in his chest felt more like a sharp knife.

But he forced all of it, all that pain, to the back of his mind.

He forced a small grin onto his face, swallowing back all the words that were right there on the tip of his tongue. All the words he wanted to say that he never dared speak aloud.

 _I love you. I love you. I love you._

"No." He said instead, his eyes dimming, "I guess I don't."

* * *

 **Please review :) I love hearing your guys' feedback!**


End file.
